I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
