The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
