Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
