you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
