her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
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