Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
and you said cock pushups were impossible
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
God, you're like boner-b-gone
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
