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I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
