we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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