a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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