What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
You took a bar mat shot.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
