Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize