Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
