Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
His hands were made for my vagina.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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