No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
