you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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