You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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