i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize