so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
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