She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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