I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
