OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
