It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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