It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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