i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
