At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
