Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Randomize
