I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Two words: nipple clamps
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
