I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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