he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
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so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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