We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
