Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
