btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
