I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
