How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
