Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
