I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
