Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
