True but thats because hes a fetus.
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Randomize
