What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
