I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
