Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
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