thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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