my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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