This is not my ceiling
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Randomize
