You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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