...so i touched it.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
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