I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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