weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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