peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
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