I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Randomize
