I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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