4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
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