So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
