When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
It's rum buckets o'clock
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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