I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
