I wish they made helmets for livers.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
