ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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