Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
are you so shy because you have an std?
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
