I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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