So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Randomize
