You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Randomize
