He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
