This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
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you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
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I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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