you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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