No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
