I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
