I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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